The Sikh Wedding Ceremony
 
Sikhism represents more than the physical uniting of two families or even two people. The Sri Guru Granth Sahib (the Sikh holy book), says that marriage merges two souls.
 
An ideal husband and wife will be spiritually inseparable, their individual pasts and presents combining to form one. The spiritual goal of any Sikh is to merge his or her soul (atma) with God (Parmatma) and in marriage, the couple will help each other towards this goal.

Pre-Wedding Rituals
As in many Asian marriages, a formal engagement takes place before the wedding. The engagement, shagan, is held either at a gurdwara (Sikh house of worship) or at the groom’s family house. Both families come together exchanging gifts and mutual promises of marriage. The bride and groom will exchange rings. Whereas, at this stage in many Asian weddings, a dowry agreement would be made, Sikhs have strictly condemned dowry payments. Sikh belief is that, in the wedding exchange, all the bride’s father should offer is his daughter.

Three days before the wedding, the akhand paath and the myah ritual are begun. Both practices last until the wedding day. Akhand paath is a three-day reading of the Sri Guru Granth Sahib. In the myah ritual, the bride and groom are both cleansed by their respective families each morning and night. Their hands, feet and faces are massaged with flour, oil and tamarind powder to purify them for their rapidly approaching married life.

On the night before the wedding, both bride and groom will be adorned with mehndi. Mehndi, as an Asian wedding tradition, dates back to Mughal times. The hands and feet are intricately patterned with a paste of henna, oil, lemon juice and water steeped in tea leaves. Mehndi is supposed to symbolise the strength of love in a marriage. Hence the darker the designs, the stronger the love.

Following the traditional application of mehndi, a choodha ceremony is held for the bride. An important ceremony, the bride is made to wear 21 red and cream ivory bangles. Kalira (ornaments) are then tied to the bangles by the bride’s maternal aunt and uncle. The purpose of kalira is to make housework impossible. The bangles and kalira are worn throughout the wedding ceremony and for 40 days afterwards. Unlike certain Hindu rituals where the bride is asked to cook for her new family as soon as she enters the house, Sikh brides are given time to acclimatise to their new families.

The Wedding Day
On the wedding day, both bride and groom are readied in their respective homes. In the nath ritual, the bride’s maternal uncle places a traditional nose ring on her. The nose ring compliments her salwar-kameez, dupatta and jewellery. The groom may wear Punjabi or western dress provided his outfit maintains, as always, the 5 Ks of traditional Sikh dress: Kangha (comb), Kesh (hair, unshorn), Kaccha (shorts), Kirpan (sabre) and Kara (bracelet).

The wedding day is begun at the gurdwara with the morning hymns (asa di var) prior to either of the wedding parties’ arrivals. As both families and the groom arrive, hymns specifically for them are sung. Once everyone, excluding the bride, has arrived, a milnee is held. In the milnee, both families’ exchange presents, tacitly accepting one another.

The Wedding Ceremony
The Sikh wedding ceremony, anand karaj, is performed at a gurdwara by a Sikh minister. Anand karaj literally means the 'ceremony of bliss'. The ceremony starts with kirtan- the singing of hymns by the ragis (musicians).

What follows may happen in one of two ways. The groom and bride may either be seated with the congregation (sadh sangat) and be invited by the minister to come and sit in front of the Guru Granth Sahib. Or, the groom may be seated first in front of the holy book and the bride led in afterward escorted, usually, by her mother and best friend.

Tradition dictates that the bride sit to the groom’s left. The minister will then explain the Sikh perspective (above) of marriage, stressing the importance of the union about to take place.

After the minister’s address, the ceremonial procedures truly begin. The couple and their parents stand and ardas (prayers) are spoken asking for God’s blessing for the proposed marriage and the couple.

These opening prayers are followed by the palaa ceremony. A shawl, normally pink or saffron-coloured, is folded lengthwise. The right end is placed over the groom’s shoulder and into his hands; the bride holds the left end. Throughout the palaa ceremony, the ragis sing a prayer, the Shabad Palai. Palaa, similar to other Asian wedding traditions, bonds the couple together physically to represent their spiritual link.

What follows is critical and special to Sikh marriages. The Laavan, written by the fourth guru, Guru Ram Das for his own marriage, is a series of four prayers. Literally Laavan means 'break away'- the marriage is the bride breaking away from her natural family.

The couple stand and the first prayer is spoken by the minister in Gurmukhi first and then translated into English if necessary. The ragis sing his words as the couple walks, connected by the palaa, clockwise around the Guru Granth Sahib. The groom leads the bride during the circling of the Guru Granth Sahib. They finish their round as the ragis finish the prayer. The couple then bows to the holy book and sits waiting the second prayer of the Laavan. Each round is performed in the same manner.

The Laavan serves a dual purpose: the verses are both offerings of advice and references to times of married life. The first verse impresses upon the importance of committing oneself to righteousness, communication with one’s own soul and the spiritual journey of all Sikhs.

The second verse tells the couple of their future success. In marrying, they will find the true Guru; they can move beyond their own personalities and prejudices, using the marital institution as part of their spiritual paths.

The third verse says that the couple is blessed to be part of a supportive Sikh community and that to follow the spiritual path set before them, they should serve and respect those around them. The final verse of the Laavan says that in marriage the two will inspire each other towards becoming one with the Infinite, as they follow the advice of the previous three verses.

At the completion of Laavan, the assembly showers the couple with flower petals. According to Sikh codes of conduct, the two are now officially married. The minister will then say a few words to close the ceremony and legally pronounce the couple as husband and wife.

The newly joined couple simultaneously feeds each other fruit, a first act of marriage. The traditional Sikh 'song of bliss' will be sung followed by ardas for the entire assembly. The wedding ceremony ends with the distribution of guruprashad (blessed food) to the attendees.